I know it is already the middle of the first month in 2014, and although I haven’t blogged about it, I have done a fair share of reflection on 2013. It was a year of thinking for me, lots of thinking. And lots of feeling. It was also the year where I realised that I thrive on connections, having fun, dancing, laughing. The most important of those is my connection with people. I still reflect on this specifically and find it odd, because sometimes the events in my life where I can really connect are the ones I dread the most. Like a meeting I had at work today – I made a really fun presentation, and while I was building it I was really excited. But most of the morning I dreaded the meeting. I had to take a step back and breathe, become still, to recognise that my dread is unnecessary. There are many things from last year that I can look back at and name one by one, but they were all based on me becoming more aware of myself, my thoughts, my actions and everything in my life that has brought me to where I am today. It was a good year, a year of stretching my old beliefs, my old limits, a hard year as well.
Today I feel like I have taken a long tough journey through stormy sees, across wide empty plains, through deep dark forests, and it has all brought me to stand in front of a staircase spiraling upwards. The funny thing is that the hardest lesson of all I only learned about a week ago. Self-acceptance – all of these tough moments led me to my biggest blind spot ever. In a moment of shame, I finally got it. So now I’m looking at this staircase, and I can only see a short section of it – because my journey is unknown. It also doesn’t mean that the next section of my journey is going to be smoother, but the staircase is almost like a sense of clarity to me. A sense that I have to do everything I do, because I WANT TO. Not because it will make me look good, or win a prize, or impress someone. And I don’t have to know all the answers to take the next step. And if I do it completely wrong, that is also ok. I’m Imperfect, and I’m enough.
So this year is a year of action for me. Enough living in my head. I’m an analyst, so I know for a fact that I will still analyse things, but I have decided to talk about them too. To speak my mind and stop wondering what people will think if they know what goes on in my head. But for the most part, analysis year is over, action year is lying ahead. In that trend, I have decided that my blog posts will also change. Towards the end of the year I haven’t been blogging as frequently. There is no conscious reason why it happened, I think it might be that I felt I had shared as much of my journey as I could. It may be that I was stuck for the last couple of months and needed my acceptance aha moment to shove me forward. For this year, I am not making promises of a definite weekly post, but I will attempt to at least promise a monthly post. My posts will be about lessons learned out of my actions, or analogies I find in things that come across my path. I already have a couple of analogies, one involves pulling up my garden and trying to save the earthworms I uprooted in the process. I would like my posts to become tools that people can take and apply to their own lives.
Being philosophical and reflection on my struggles was necessary for me. But I like change, and I recognise today that some changes are attempts to keep the status quo, and other changes are true changes to stop getting the results we always get. So this is my blog-change for 2014.
I’m looking forward to sharing more of my journey, and am grateful for all my followers, all the comments I have received, and all the encouraging words I often received from friends and work colleagues. Let 2014 be a blast!!