I very rarely talk about religion, as a matter of fact I usually steer clear from the topic and when someone initiates it I very quickly find a reason to disappear. But yesterday I was busy browsing through Joy, a christian magazine, while Leon was having a hair cut (which wasn’t a good one either). While reading it I had visions of my child hood and the confines of the religion I was brought up in, I could even feel the gloomy coldness of the church we went to. So today, I’m voicing my opinion, for the first time since I decided religion is not for me.
I was brought up staunch “NG Kerk”, for those who don’t know Afrikaans, it is the Dutch Reformed church. Today I don’t prescribe to any of the rules or beliefs they preach, and it’s thanks to their shallow teachings that I have shunned church completely. My father cycled a lot in my second last year of Sunday school, which meant I missed quite a lot of those classes. When I was told at the end of the year that I’m not a good christian because I missed so many school days, I decided that then God is not for me. Today I cannot tell you exactly what I believe in. I believe we are all connected and that there is a lot more to us than just the physical, but I don’t know if I buy into a God-figure or that Jesus Christ died for our sins. I also don’t buy into hell, which means I should probably also question heaven, but for my own sanity I choose to believe in something like a heaven.
Back to the hair salon and the Joy magazine. The first article that caught my attention was a letter sent in from a reader, a pastor, writing to someone who called them self a gay christian. The crux of his letter was that in the bible there is reference to someone who was gay, but once they were saved from sin, he became straight. The pastor made it very clear that being attracted to the same sex is in no way natural or acceptable. This was the first article that let my hair stand up straight. No wonder we are all so judgmental…
In the next article they attempted to answer the question of whether our lives end on a predetermined date in a predetermined manner and whether God knows exactly when and how it is. The answer was yes and no according to this article. No, because if a person decided to take their own life, or died by some ‘sinful’ way like a drug or alcohol overdose, then we as humans through our sins messed with the system and decided to change the date and the way we die. If however we lived a life that is according to God’s will, he will know when and how we die. Here is my opinion – either God knows, or he doesn’t know. If he knew, he would know that a person would o/d and die at that time. Or, if we could ‘fool’ him by choosing a sinful way of dying, it means that actually he has no idea when and how you die, ever, whether in sin or on the straight and narrow. After reading this article I couldn’t help but think that who ever wrote this article obviously never took debate up in school. Not that I did either, but wow, even I would have won this one.
The third article was a question about whether it is possible for people to die and see a glimpse of heaven and then return to life. Apparently some person in the bible did die and see a glimpse of the after life, but was forbidden to speak about it. The article also stated in summary that even though people proclaim to have seen the after life, there is no scientific evidence that this is true. They also stated that we should measure all events against the bible, and if the bible states that it is true or possible, only then can we take it as the truth. Firstly, there might not be scientific proof that there is an after life, but there is also no scientific proof that God exists… Secondly, and now I’m not even considering the fact that human people wrote the good book, but the bible was written in a time where technology wasn’t even a spec of dust compared to where we are today. How is it ok to make full use of this technology on a day to day basis, but when things that are uncertain come up we should dismiss it if the bible can’t prove it? It is more than 2000 years old! Imagine if we lived our whole life like this – surely this is wasting of the good intellectual minds God gave us?
So now that I am worked up properly, here is what comes up for me. We are deeply spiritual and emotional beings, with the power to create our lives as we choose. It even says this in the good book – we can move mountains. The further I go on my journey the deeper and more connected I become to things that I cut off because my religion preached that it was not ok. I can actually feel and experience other people’s emotion and physical pain. I have been able to manifest so many things in the last 2 months for myself that I still look back in disbelief of my power. Leon can heal himself over night, and is 100 times better than I am at manifesting stuff. The one day he told me he feels like a steak and 2 minutes later he received an sms for a special at a restaurant on steak! What makes me bitter about the religion I was brought up with, is that being connected was an absolute no. If I had to make the above statements it would be dismissed as purely incidental. If I was not supposed to use these tools, or have these tools, how is it that I look back at my teenage life and see only pain and suffering, but now that I have opened myself up to using these tools even during the harder times I feel as though I can still take on the world?
The debate about whether our life is planned for us or not is not one I walk into. I prefer to believe I am in charge, because it makes me sane. Believing otherwise makes me feel depressed and will make me quit. Did God decide that this is how I choose to live the life he planned for me? It is possible – the argument is strong for both. But then stick to one side, don’t do this wishy washy sitting on the fence yes and no crap. What I see is that who ever wrote the article is too afraid to form an opinion, too afraid to admit what it is that they feel and why. I have no shame in saying that I believe what I believe because it makes me feel worthwhile. If you are too scared to choose a preference and have society question it, take a look at the rest of your life, because I bet that you live your whole life that way. How you do anything is how you do everything!
This blog is longer than my normal standard, but I realise today that this pressure cooker has been building up steam for the best part of my teenage and the whole of my adult life. It has given me beliefs that guided me to building the strongest stick I could to beat myself up with, to feel guilty with. I used to feel guilty about almost everything I did – smoking, drinking, doing drugs, being sexy, having sex, being proud of my achievements, being proud of standing out, not wanting kids, standing up for myself, standing up for my friends and family. Finally I realise exactly why. Little did I realise that Leon’s really terrible hair cut in a little hair salon in White River would guide me to the source of most of my limiting beliefs.
NOW I can work with it, and be an awesome outstanding connected emotional loving opinionated sexy mighty Maria!