I am a fixer by nature. When you come to me to share a problem my brain starts ticking over to find solutions or work arounds. Great for business, not so great for emotional me.
We spent the last part of our holiday in Port Elizabeth. The people here have a different mindset to us, in JHB you get people with this type of mindset too, but it is as if in PE everyone is like this. All people here see is how little of things there are and how tough times are, too old, too young, too windy, too hot – the glass is always half empty. We think very differently.
Something that I have unblocked within me is judgement. I used to look at people and had a judgement about each and every stranger I cross. I have been aware of this for very long but had no idea how to change it. Debra helped clearing it and for a change I can look at people and see beauty or be curious about them and their story.
But finding ourselves in PE amongst people with a half empty glass constantly, had me eventually looking at everyone here and searching whether they are the same as everyone else. I found myself feeling guilty about it, how can I be a good person if I do this? And then I would think of how to fix it. My journey for now is to just acknowledge these emotions, experience them, and feel how and where I feel it in my body. NOT FIXING! I kept asking Leon, who sees the same thing in the PE peeps, what is the lesson we need to learn from PE? And finally after lots of talking yesterday we got it, just observe what you feel, for now. The fix won’t come if you force it, it will happen when you’re ready.
So for now I’m practicing observation…and have noticed some interesting things!