My husband and I did a Kinesiology course this weekend, a different topic to write about at a later stage. Something that cam up that we were both equally surprised about was all the underlying ailments I have. He has a lot of physical symptoms that he deals with daily which normal doctors would attribute to stress. The only symptom I really get is terrible headaches which no one has been able to cure, but other than that my body seems to handle life ok. Or so I thought. My new theory is that I have the mental ability to suppress symptoms because experiencing life and being healthy is more important to me, and I generally don’t feel I have time to be sick or run down.
I now have lots of herbal and homeopathic remedies to take, and I’m using it as an experiment to see if my headaches will subside. Funny thing, the test for headaches brought nothing up… So today I’m flat on my back sick in bed. Most people will probably say that my body will now start releasing toxins or something because I’m treating them – the theory of it getting worse before it gets better. I can think of at least another three reasons that attributes to my sore throat, stuffy head and blocked nose. It could be one of these reasons, it could be all of them, it could be something else I’m not even aware of. But as per most of my posts, this got me thinking of something else.
I have always considered myself pretty much in tune with my emotional self and spiritual self. Maybe not as much as I should be, but I always thought that for the amount of spiritual work I do, I’m not doing too bad. After this weekend I’m not so sure, as a matter of fact today I feel like my spirit body has gone on holiday and left me behind. That could be another reason for me feeling this way, or I might think that because I’m feeling ill – chicken or egg, you choose. But I’m asking myself, is this disconnected feeling attributed to the fact that I was surrounded by many well-connected people this weekend and I realise how much more connected I could/should be? And because I realise how much work I need to do? Or is it because I’ve done a course to grow my own connection again and I’m an apprentice learning how to handle the ropes, and step one is to realise how little I know first. Is it that I’ve been on these spiritual workshops before when I was younger, and that I have a belief that some of these connected people are really way out of my comfort zone when it comes to my definition of ‘acceptable people’, and that I have a fear of this?
Alternatively I am a bit of a ‘draadsitter’ when it comes to these esoteric stuff. I believe that if you believe, it works, and that there is no harm in it. We all need to hold on to whatever beliefs make us happy. Whether I’m a converted I cannot yet with conviction answer.
Having put my thoughts on paper, I guess my ‘feeling worse’ is coming from a place of uncertainty, and I’m not exactly sure which road to take in these cross roads…and how far or deep I’m willing to reach into my ‘hippy’ me to connect… The other thought that comes to mind is that it could also be that I place too much value on being socially acceptable, and I fear what will happen if I walk down this spiritual path again. Perhaps due to previous experience, perhaps due to the frame of mind I was in when I attended these workshops years ago (I’m a lot happier now), or maybe I’m taking this spiritual growth path way to serious, and there is a fun and laughter filled way to walk this road!